Friday, February 13, 2009

Love is the Heart Rescue

People are suckers for love. This is why pounding-heart lovers will rush into movie theaters tomorrow to see the heartfelt melodrama Slumdog Millionaire. Why not get more inspiration for love?

Love has profound impact on us. Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel laureate and an Israeli psychologist, wrote about what got him into the fascinating field of psychology. When German Nazis occupied France in 1940s, Kahneman and his family lived in Paris. During the wartime, Jews were required to wear the Star of David and had to obey a 6p.m. curfew. “I had gone to play with a Christian friend and had stayed too late. I turned my brown sweater inside out to walk the few blocks home. As I was walking down an empty street, I saw a German soldier approaching. He was wearing the black uniform that I had been told to fear more than others – the one worn by specially recruited SS soldiers. As I came closer to him, trying to walk fast, I noticed that he was looking at me intently. Then he beckoned me over, picked me up, and hugged me. I was terrified that he would notice the star inside my sweater. He was speaking to me with great emotion, in German. When he put me down, he opened his wallet, showed me a picture of a boy, and gave me some money. I went home more certain than ever that my mother was right: people were endlessly complicated and interesting.” (Kahneman, D. 2003. Maps of bounded rationality: A perspective on intuitive judgment and choice) Kahneman’s childhood Nazi experience presented tender loving nature of human beings when the boy least expected it. This particular incident of love display opened his mind to the “complimented and interesting” subject of psychology.

Love is at the heart of human world. No one can deny that people innately embrace the fundamental essence of human nature - love. We live for love, fight for love, and die for love. We compose poetry, write novels and produce movies to spread love. Globalization and civilization help us evolve into a special kind of race that not only reaches tangible goods like food and shelter, but also cultivates spiritual assets like love. Unfortunately, the very people who created love have been too busy to care for it. Current global financial crisis not only alarms business entities and policymakers to develop economic resolutions, it also serves as a wakeup call for global citizens. It urges us to analyze the underlying causes for the calamity and take a closer look at love. Did we jeopardize our well-being by stress, depression and OCD after succeeding at work and failing at home? Did financial and materialistic rewards drive us far away from nurturing love? Were we so involved in acquiring tangible assets that we overlooked the fact that the life’s gemstone is love instead of its filigree like vacation homes and private jets? Is now the time for us to rebound from financial deprivation as well as soul deficiency?

We all know that heart disease is the leading cause of death in the U.S. (CDC’s Heart Disease Facts and Statistics 2009) It is already heartbreaking to know that over 650,000 Americans died of heart disease each year, but it is more heart rending that few know love can really heals the physical heart. Loving relationships promotes better health, happiness and longevity, especially in times of severe downturns. When Dorbert Nerum’s team at the University of Houston conducted a research on the correlation between a high cholesterol diet and heart attack, they came across unanticipated health miracle brought by love. They fed experimental rabbits with the high cholesterol diet that guaranteed to elevate cholesterol level in the rabbits. Consequently, there was a build-up of plaque in rabbits’ arteries. This blocked blood flow and caused heart disease. The surprising finding was that one group of rabbits developed a lower cholesterol level and a smaller arterial plaque volume than expected. It took a while for the befuddled team to discover that a lab assistant’s extra care stopped the rabbits from suffering heart problems. After feeding the rabbits, the lab assistant took them out of the cage, talked to them, played with them and petted them. All these loving activities reduced the risk for heart disease by a very significant percentage, 60 percent! If a simple act of petting could prevent the rabbits from getting heart disease, think about how many lives we can save by doing little things to share love with people around us.

More and more scientific studies have shown that small changes in lifestyles lead to significant improvements in one’s health and well-being. However, love, the most powerful and the most effective intervention, has not been prescribed enough by health practitioners. Love has a stronger impact on the quality of life and development of diseases. It extends emotional transformation to physical restoration. Dr. Candace Pert conducted a famous research on the bio-chemistry of emotions to demonstrate how the emotions are connected to the body. She finds that receptors sit on the surface of body cells, and specialized cells like neurons have millions of the receptors surrounding them. These receptors scan, sense and receive chemical substances known as peptides. These peptides deliver emotional messages to the receptors. The emotional messages elicit bio-chemical reactions within the cells, and have positive or negative effect on cell’s growth and development. Dr. Pert advances the theory of body-mind connection through the evidence of chemical alternation at molecular level. Her finding coincides with the philosophy of Dr. Yongshu Yang, a revolutionary doctor in integrative medicine in China. Dr. Yang has treated thousands of patients through a mind-body approach since 1970s. Her clinical experience confirms that the body has self-healing ability or “natural medicine.” Proper emotional release and positive attitudes restore body’s healing mechanism. An angry individual has angry cells that attack and damage each other. A loving person has happy cells that attract and nourish each other. Dr. Yang discovers that people with anger suppression have greater risks for inflammation in all kinds of body cells, cardiovascular diseases and circulatory malfunction. On the contrary, people with positive and loving attitudes develop less inflammatory conditions and usually have a longer lifespan.

If the best doctor resides inside our mind, why not get involved with love to provide the natural pharmacopeias to others and ourselves? Love is both from the heart and for the heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day!



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Sunday, February 3, 2008

What’s in Everlasting Love? *

If you are thinking about attractive appearance, it only causes flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat, clammy hands and hence, secure the first date. It signals ATTRACTION, the very first stage in everlasting love. But it doesn’t last for long.

If you are thinking about a romantic kiss and great sex, they certainly triggers chemical reactions inside the body fired up by Cupid’s arrow. A kiss helps you burn 26 calories in a minute, and lovemaking elevates heart rate to 60-85% of maximum heart rate. These biochemical workouts drive you temporarily insane, and fortunately don’t endure for a lifetime. They confirm the enjoyment of LUST, the second stage in everlasting love. But there is more in everlasting love.

If you are thinking about commitment, you are on the right track in the pursuit of everlasting love. Commitment is a sign of reaching COMPATIBILITY, the third stage of everlasting love. However, not all couples know about holistic aspect of compatibility. Only through mutual commitment to reach compatibility in several areas of a relationship, couples can truly find everlasting love. The followings show compatibility factors that couples need to consider in order to cultivate love for a lifetime.

Compatibility Factors of Everlasting Love

Appearance: How attracted is he to her? How much effort does he put into maintaining and improving appearance to attract her after falling into love?

Emotions: How affectionate is he to her? How does his way of handling emotions impact her?

Communication: How open is he at expressing himself? How patient is he to listen to her? How willing is he to discuss ups and downs in life with her?

Intellect: How does he perceive her educational achievement? Does the couple share similar interest in cultural activities, current events, and world affairs? Can the couple interact intellectually to enhance emotional connection?

Sex: How sexy does he find her? How does bedroom etiquette affect the couple’s intimate moments?

Career: How important is it to split time between love and career? What is his/her definition of the right balance between work and family?

Finance: What is his/her attitude towards making money and spending money? How does he/she make financial decisions from grocery shopping to home buying?

Independence: How much personal space does he/she for themselves? How important is it to have ‘my life’ versus ‘our lives’?

Family: How many children does he/she want to raise? How often does he/she would like to visit relatives? How committed is he/she to take care of elderly parents?

Spirituality: How important is it for him/her to meet spiritual (compared to practical or materialistic) needs? How does his/her religious practices influence the other?

Sociability: How much does he/she want time alone? How does he/she enjoy others’ company and community events?

Habits: How to overcome the battle of sexes? Is he willing to watch Lifetime channel with her or is she willing to switch to ESPN channel to be his ‘buddy’? How acceptable is he/she to daily routine differences?

Everlasting love is a complicated human science. It is attainable with pheromone (sex hormone) and rationality. It takes two willing minds to reach strategic compromises over time. holistic compatibility adjustments in life make love last. Once you become aware of major compatibility factors of everlasting love, you can be confident and proactive about pursuing (if you are single) love, and nurturing (if you are in a relationship) love for now, and forever.

Happy Valentine’s Day!



*This article was first published in Yellow Magazine February 2008 issue.

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Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Sex and Its Reasons

We all read about 237 distinct reasons humans have sex by now. Last week, Cindy Meston, Ph.D., director of the Sexual Psychophysiology Labotatory at the University of Texas, published her research findings on what motivates people to have sex. It took five years, self-sponsored funds, and 1,549 undergraduate subjects to conduct this study. All the efforts have been paid off: people now know lot more about why we have sex, and we are less shy about exploring our natural desire.

The study groups these reasons into four categories:
  • PHYSICAL
    • I was attracted to the person
    • My hormones were out of control
    • It seemed like good exercise
  • EMOTIONAL
    • I was in love
    • I wanted to say 'thank you'
  • GOAL-DIRECTED
    • I wanted to get a raise
    • Because of a bet
    • I wanted to change the topic of conversation
  • INSECURITY
    • I didn't know how to refuse sex
    • I felt obligated
The research looked at the leading reasons why men and women have sex. Men and women share eight of the top 10 reasons. If you think men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love, the following reasons disapprove such gender stereotype.

Women's Top 10 Reasons for Having Sex:
  1. I was attracted to the person.
  2. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
  3. It feels good.
  4. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
  5. I wanted to express my love for the person.
  6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
  7. I was "horny."
  8. It's fun.
  9. I realized I was in love.
  10. I was "in the heat of the moment."
Men’s Top 10 Reasons for Having Sex:
  1. I was attracted to the person.
  2. It feels good.
  3. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
  4. It's fun.
  5. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
  6. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
  7. I was "horny."
  8. I wanted to express my love for the person.
  9. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
  10. I wanted to please my partner.

For your curiosity, read about the uncensored study “Why Humans Have Sex” at http://tinyurl.com/ypzwvr

If you are still curious, visit www.mestonlab.com and www.kinseyinstitute.org to learn more about human sexual behaviors.

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